Endless Endings
by W. A. Ravensdale
Summary: He should be there, with his arms around her and his nose nuzzled in her neck, but he wasn't, and that hurt more than any curse, death, or torture in this world. Oneshot.


**ENDLESS ENDINGS**

**_Oneshot_**

_by W. A. Ravensdale_

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Not every story has a happy ending and sometimes, the sad and bitter endings are far better than the lovely-dovely ones. At least that's my opinion.

The biggest thank you ever goes to my super-amazingly-brilliant beta, **_RunningInAir_**_. _Seriously, guys, you should have seen this oneshot before she worked her magic on it!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Diaries or any of its characters.**

My twitter: _**WARavensdale**_

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_"No, this is not the beginning of a new chapter in my life; this is the beginning of a new book! That first book is already closed, ended, and tossed into the seas; this new book is newly opened, has just begun! Look, it is the first page! And it is a beautiful one!"_

― C. JoyBell C.

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Wrapped into a fuzzy blanket on the large loveseat in the Boarding House's living room, Elena let her eyes fall beyond the windows onto the slowly fading green of the grass. The white, soft blanket was beginning to cover the ground, lulling nature to sleep and giving the day a genuine Christmas spirit.

She had always been fascinated with those perfectly-shaped snowflakes and the white frosting that gathered on the top of her head if she stayed out in the snow for a few minutes too long. She remembered how much she had enjoyed building snowmen with Jeremy, all the snowball fights she and her dad used to have, and baking cinnamon-flavored cookies with her mom and Aunt Jenna. Their whole house always smelled so heavenly during the holidays as the whole family gathered around to decorate their annual Christmas tree, happily humming those cliché Christmas melodies.

It was how every family should spend their Christmas: surrounded with loved ones, drinking hot chocolate, and just enjoying each other's company. It was beautiful and magical, and she was always the happiest during the holidays. She had wanted this Christmas to be just as special, and she had really tried to enjoy it, but so far she just hadn't been able to, not with the massive hole in her heart that seemed to just grow bigger and bigger with each passing day, contrary to the belief that hearts didn't literally break open under emotional duress.

Elena felt guilty for not being able to let go of the past and move on, and she felt even guiltier for not _wanting_ to let go. She didn't want to forget, and she was afraid that moving on would do just that – make her forget - even though she knew deep down that the bittersweet memories would never leave her, not when they meant so much to her.

Watching her friends chatter away, laugh, and dance in front of the fireplace, she scolded herself for being so selfish and ruining their good mood with her petty grief. They'd lost just as much as she had, and they still managed to get up in the mornings, get on with their lives, and have fun. She was just holding them back, and she knew that.

She let her eyes wander over each and every one, knowing she should be more than grateful to have them by her side, yet she didn't feel all that lucky.

Her eyes found Bonnie's, and she offered her a small smile, trying to let her know she was okay, because she didn't want to drag her into her pity-party as well. The witch didn't look convinced, but she let it go, knowing Elena would come to her if she wanted to. For the millionth time, Elena thanked whatever god was there for bringing her best friend back to life, because she really didn't know what she'd do without her.

She admired Bonnie for still being able to smile so brightly after everything; she was, after all, standing with one foot in the world of the living and the other in the supernatural purgatory – an anchor that never truly lives, always having to carry the pain of every supernatural being that passes to the other side. Her friend was strong and extremely lucky to have Jeremy by her side.

A lively laughter brought Elena out of her thoughts, turning her attention to her other, bubblier best friend. She saw how high Caroline's smile reached, and her eyes sparkled as she animatedly spoke of her new house and all the designing she had already started, and Elena couldn't have been happier for her. The blond had been, just like the rest of them, through so much in the past couple of years, yet she still managed to shine brighter than any of them.

With his arm lazily resting on Caroline's thigh was Klaus – the infamous, vicious hybrid who the blonde now had completely wrapped around her finger. Elena could hardly believe how much the Original had changed ever since Caroline finally admitted her feelings for him to herself and flew down to New Orleans to share those discoveries with him, as well. She could never completely forgive or forget the things he had done back when he first came to Mystic Falls, but she considered him a part of their dysfunctional family now. After all, it'd been years, and he somehow got under her skin. She suspected it had a lot to do with the fact that he made Caroline really happy.

Then there was his older sibling, Elijah – the man she had discovered was the biggest child at heart, even with being the oldest in the room. He had accompanied Klaus back to Mystic Falls, leaving their sister, Rebekah, in charge of their 'kingdom' in New Orleans. He, unlike Klaus, still often travelled to Bourbon Street, not fully trusting his sister with the situation, but when he wasn't away, he made Elena smile – which was rare nowadays. Even though they hadn't known each other for that long, Elijah was somehow the one who read her like an open book, and she couldn't have wished for a better friend.

Sitting on the floor and leaning against the couch was Matt, who had travelled half across the world from his new home in Barcelona to celebrate this Christmas with them, letting his kids spend the holidays with their mom this year. A few years ago, he had met a beautiful British woman, Mary, knocked her up, and then married her. As predicted, the marriage had been a total failure, but the twins, Jenna and Vicky – yes, he named them in honor of their fallen family – were simply adorable, and he couldn't love them more.

Across from him, with his hands around Bonnie, was her younger brother, Jeremy, of whom she could not be more proud. He had grown up to be an amazing man; loving, understanding, and most of all, passionate. When they had brought Bonnie back from the dead, they had waited a few years, but eventually, the age difference between Bonnie and Jeremy got too big, so he decided to join the world of the undead. It almost killed Elena to see her brother die and go through everything she went through when she became a vampire, but she knew why he had done it. Who was she to stand in the way of their love, anyways? Now, the pair was living in a house in Georgia, still trying to figure out how to stop the pain that Bonnie had to go through multiple times a day when any supernatural being died.

And then there was Stefan – a man she had loved and would always love, but could never fall in love with again. Shortly after he came back to them, after spending three months locked in a safe, drowning over and over again, he decided to have another go with then-human Katherine, but it seemed that the Universe just wasn't working properly anymore…or maybe there was another doppelganger waiting for him out there somewhere. Who knew? It took them a little over a year to build a solid friendship again after he hadn't been able to forgive her for leaving him for his brother, but somehow, they had managed. When Katherine ran off again, Stefan decided he needed to get away as well, leaving Elena alone in the big boarding house. He came back, and then went off again, but it was never permanent, because no matter what happened here, Mystic Falls was still his home.

But, in the end, no matter how happy she was for her friends, no matter how much she loved them, the space beside her was still empty – just like it has been for the past eleven months. Elena couldn't help but to let her eyes fall longingly on the place beside her, and she absently ran her hands over the soft cushions. He should be there, with his arms around her and his nose nuzzled in her neck, but he wasn't, and that hurt more than any curse, death, or torture in this world.

Her heart ached so hard it physically hurt her, and there was nothing she could do. Every thought of him, every memory – good or bad – almost tore her in two, as her soul longed after it's other half. She had stopped crying after a few months, at least in front of the others, but every night she went to sleep, tears came pouring down her cheeks again, and she cried herself to sleep, her nose buried in his pillow, even though his scent was slowly fading.

Her heart was calling out to him. Her heart was calling out to Damon.

And every time she closed her eyes, the vivid memory of life leaving his beautiful blue eyes haunted her again, making her relive the scene over and over and over until it hurt so much, she couldn't take it anymore. Sometimes, she drowned herself in bourbon, other times in blood, but the pain never went away, always cruelly reminding her that he was gone.

But he wasn't really gone, at least not for Bonnie – she still spoke to him all the time. Even Jeremy saw him sometimes, and they both kept telling her that he was okay and that he missed her like hell, but wanted her to live her life and not let the grief consume her, which just made her cry harder and her chest clench more painfully. She hated them for it, for being able to see him and for Bonnie even being able to touch him, because she couldn't. All she could do was imagine and wish and hope and then cry again, because she was wishing for the impossible.

Sometimes, if she concentrated hard enough, she could still feel his arms around her, his soft lips on her burning skin, his voice whispering in her ear, and it almost felt like he was there. Almost.

But then she opened her eyes, and he wasn't, and she would cry some more.

She had lost so much in her relatively short life, but nothing ever hurt as much as waking up in the morning without Damon beside her. There were moments in the mornings, when she wasn't completely awake yet, and she would have a few blissful moments in which she didn't quite remember the painful reality she had been living, and everything was okay; but then she turned around, reaching for him, and the bed was empty and cold.

A part of her died each time.

The snow blizzard outside caught her eye, and she looked out the window again just in time for another painful memory to hit her.

It was last Christmas, just a month or so before she was left broken, cold, and alone. Damon told her he had a surprise for her, and she had eagerly followed him out through the front door, her body full of excitement; but when she reached the porch, her brows furrowed and she frantically looked around, because he was nowhere to be seen. He had just disappeared, and her heart clenched with terror and worry. Before she had time to truly panic, though, something cold and solid hit her neck and shattered into dozens of tiny pieces before falling behind her shirt, pulling a shriek from her lungs. Turning around, slightly confused and pissed off, she found him doubled over in laughter, his arms pressed against his stomach. She launched herself at him, taking him by surprise. He fell onto his back, and she maneuvered herself to where she was straddling his lap. His shocked and challenging expression elicited a smirk from her lips, and she leaned down and captured his mouth with hers, the world disappearing around them.

Later, he had told her that he really did have a surprise for her, and he whisked her off to his cabin in Aspen for the holidays, where they hadn't done much skiing at all, opting instead to spend their days inside their bedroom.

Their little trip was so amazing and fun, and he promised her he would take her again.

Another trip had never happened, though, because he had left her and the part of her that wanted to have fun had left with him.

The memory was so sweet, but at the same time so fucking bitter that it left a bad taste in her mouth.

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Lying wide awake in their bed that night, Elena tossed and turned, once again unable to sleep. She had just about given up on sleep altogether, her thoughts drifting towards the liquor cabinet, when an idea, an amazing, beautiful idea, popped into her head - and everything was suddenly perfectly clear.

She sat up in bed, her heart beating so fast she thought it was going to burst out of her chest. How hadn't she thought of this before? Of course, she had thought about dying multiple times before, but it was always to end her pain. She didn't even realize there was still the other side – where Damon was.

She could be with him again. She could see him smile and kiss him and touch him and hear his velvety voice again.

She just had to die first.

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"Don't do it, Elena," a soft voice filled with a heavy, British accent spoke behind her, causing her to clench her fingers on the ring.

It was such a beautiful morning; the sun was shining and everything was white, covered with snow.

"Do you know what I miss the most about him?" Elena asked, not making any effort to turn around.

She hoped that she would be able to do this alone; she didn't want anyone to figure out what she was going to do – not before it was done, anyways. She couldn't have anyone stop her, but if she had to choose someone to be there, it was definitely him. "It's his laugh. He didn't really laugh a lot; he smiled and chuckled and smirked and grinned all the time, but considering how crazy our life had been, there wasn't much room for laughing over the years. When he did laugh, though, his laughter lightened up the whole room, and it was so beautiful that I never wanted him to stop. I made it my mission to get him to laugh as many times as possible, because I was addicted to the sound and the way his chest vibrated against me when he laughed. He always said I was the beauty and he was the beast, but he was wrong. I've never seen anything as breathtaking as Damon."

She finally turned around to face the man behind her, her eyes pleading him to understand, her voice shaking with the weight of emotion behind it. "I can't be apart from him anymore, Elijah. I can't."

Choosing for a different approach, Elijah pushed himself away from the doorframe where he was leaning and walked towards her. "I do understand, Elena, and if there's anything I want for you, it's for you to be reunited with your love again, but what do you think Damon wants in this? He loves you, he misses you, and he wants to be with you more than anything, but he doesn't want _this_ for you." Standing a few feet from her, Elijah looked wise as always, but also sad and regretful, because he knew her mind was made up and there was nothing he could say that would convince her otherwise.

Elena knew what he was saying was true, she knew Damon didn't want her to die, but this wasn't his choice. It was hers, because _she_ was the one who felt this unbearable pain, _she_ was the one who couldn't see him, _she _was the one who had to get up in the morning each day when all she wanted to do was die already – _she_ was the one who was still on this side, and he wasn't.

"He'll get over it," she smiled slightly, knowing Damon loved her more than anything, and even though she was sure he would be pissed at the beginning, he would cool off. After all, they had eternity.

She knew he could have easily stopped her, but she also knew he wouldn't. He understood her, and he knew she needed this.

"Goodbye, Elijah." Elena let the smile linger on her lips as she looked down at her ring, and for the first time in eleven months, she felt happy again. She let the ring slip between her fingers and disappear into the snow, knowing she should feel the pain of her flesh burning, but she didn't. Instead she felt peaceful and anxious, knowing any minute now, she would see him again.

She closed her eyes just as the darkness washed over her.

Less than a minute later, she found herself in one of the boarding house's many bedrooms, her eyes focused on the two figures lying entwined in bed. They looked so peaceful, and she knew it would destroy them when they woke up and Elijah told him the news, but at least they'd still be able to see her.

Not wanting to let Bonnie know just who was passing through her just yet, she gently touched the girls shoulder and jumped slightly when she moaned in pain but thankfully stayed asleep.

Even thought she was dead now and her heart didn't beat anymore, she could swear it was beating furiously in her chest. Slowly, carefully turning around, she prayed to whatever god was there that he would be there, because she didn't know what she'd do if he wasn't.

All the air left her body the second her eyes met his piercing blue ones. Time stood still for a few seconds as she just stared at him, praying this was not just a dream and that he was in fact standing a few feet from her, his face a mask of disbelief, anger and sorrow, but also love, happiness and relief hiding underneath.

"No," he breathed out desperately, blinking as if he thought he was dreaming, as well.

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